Forgive me, as this is another personal post. Another reminder there is a real person on the other end of the screen. One, who lives, laughs, and bleeds like you.
Last week, I became privy to some jaw-dropping news; and not of the pleasant variety. In fact, it was quite a nasty turn that pulled the rug out from underneath me. Again. I could not write coherently in the raw moment, so I have allowed a few days and a nice holiday to pass before I decided to share this with you; if not to calm down and gain some perspective.
Please, allow me to explain. What started out as a joke went horribly wrong. I was in a good mood and was teasing a friend when I inquired “Would you lie to me to protect me?”. . . To which he replied, “. . . . no?” Then I proceeded to ask him to look up my ex-fiancé on Facebook and tell me what his status says. Thinking my Ex would be Single or In-A-Relationship.–Instead, my friend grimly informed me that my Ex was married with a child. This was confirmed by other parties as I could not bring myself to check on my own.–The last vestiges of the bottom of my world disintegrated. I bulleted a timeline for y’all to better understand how this sweet Church Boy/Choir Director situation came to be so ugly.
- May 6, 2011–Meet at Prom we were chaperoning
- September 20, 2014–Proposed to me at my birthday party
- February, 2015–He starts having doubts about marrying me apparently
- June, 2015–I finally notice something is terribly amiss
- August 2, 2015–Breaks off engagement and thus ending our 5 year relationship
- November 14, 2015–Marries someone else (FOUR MONTHS after he split from me)
- January/February 2016–Take my now-separated brother with me to Austria which was supposed to have been my honeymoon with now-Ex
- September 16, 2016–Turn 34
- September 26, 2016–Ex and new wife have baby
- October, 2016–Run into Ex’s father in town who hugged me a little too hard and too long and teared up saying he (Ex’s father) misses me so much. We talked.
- November 14, 2016–1 year wedding anniversary of Ex and wife, evidently
- November 21, 2016–I find out about all this and lose my freaking mind
The average person draws the conclusion that he physically cheated on me. I still hold that he emotionally cheated on me. Regardless, everyone is allowed to speculate the repercussions of his actions and the enormous ripple effect it has on a large portion of this town. Here, I thought there was a least a shred of hope, that he missed and thought about me some times since the split. That maybe we would meet up years from now and laugh about old times and all we went through.
It is safe to say that shall not be happening, as much as I loved that boy so much it hurt. I was hysterical at the news, sad to admit. It was not pretty. –However, a few days have passed and the knee-jerk reactions have subsided. That chapter is now closed. I am emotionally hollow but ready to move on. Truly. There are few remaining things I need to remove from my home, but all hope ends now. Nobody deserves to be treated with such deception and betrayal. Who knew the sweet, amazing Church Boy would bring such catastrophic damage to so many people in this town and to my own shattered heart??–Onward and upward. May God have mercy on his soul.
*walks out confidently*slams church door shut*