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Home Sweet Home by Walter Dendly Sadler

As it happens with any group of people in close proximity over long periods of time, a dialectic formulates distinct to this group. Perhaps it is a subtle pronunciation difference, or words and phrase incorporated via a particular incident that many in the group were present to witness or heard about, second hand. This is the case of my own family, who tends to thrive on a member’s malapropisms, misused phrase, picked up from niche popular culture, and peers of the family. I bring this to your attention, only because My Suitor has brought it to mine when he inquired about a word I used. Ah, yes, he is not full fluent in My Family’s Tongue. I could not blame him. So here is a smatter of words and phrases we often use amongst each other and a bit of an explanation, should you also like to include it in your daily speech for a laugh.

Cheater, Cheater; Pants on Fire!: This is my father’s malapropism. Exclaimed during a heated board game during my youth. For the record, my brother was cheating. It took my father a minute to realize what he said, but then could not figure out the two idioms he meshed together. Needless to say, I thought I was going to die laughing.

Do you have a flag?: Taken directly from Eddie Izzard’s Dress to Kill HBO Comedy routine; of which my family has practically memorized. It is in referencing ownership of something, and stating you have ownership does not validate anything. Example: “Don’t touch the corner brownie, it’s mine!”–“Oh? Do you have a flag?”

Hebners/HebNats: Hebrew National Hotdogs; my grandparents brought this along, as they were Seventh Day Adventists and did not eat pork products.

Moopie: A puppy; really a dog of any kind. This is my mother’s mistake. For a while we referred to my dog Buttons as Sheldon (from the television show, Big Bang Theory); because he has particular ‘spots’ around the house. I quoted from the show once, while cuddling Buttons “Sheldon’s MeeMaw calls him Moon Pie!” My Daddy was perplexed by my fast speech and asked what I said. My mother supplied “She said, Sheldon’s Moopie. Aww, dang! That’s not what she said.” We were all in stiches.

Peanut: A small nuisance, an irritant. Used in a jocular fashion, a more polite and socially acceptable way to say “jerk, a pain in the arse, piss-ant, etc.” Example: “Stop being such a peanut!”

Puny/Punies: Sick, ill, under the weather, not feeling well. Used in sympathy for the others discomfort; my father brought this from old popular culture. I believe a black and white television show, but I am not sure. Does anyone know?

Shmall/Wee/Little: A diminutive for being cute and endearing, but not particularly intelligent. Borderline on pity. I used this to describe my late love of my life, my dog, Buttons. The family used to coo “Poor, poor Buttons. He is so shmall.” Side story: my co-workers heard me call Buttons shmall and when they met him they exclaimed he was not small at all, but a rather medium sized dog. But once his “autism” became evident they retracted, “Ah! Okay, I see it. Poor Buttons IS shmall!”

True Story/Science: I picked this up from My Suitor, whom read it from a meme. It is the be all, end all of reason for any question. To be said in a solemn/serious manner. Example: “Why do you like bacon so much?”–“Science.” or “I love you! True story.” It is basically a really effective way to annoy someone.